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Being unable to have a baby when you want to can be upsetting for you and your partner.

• You may feel disappointed, depressed and a failure.
• It won't help if people you know seem to be getting pregnant without any trouble at all.
• Parents who say they "long to be a grandparent" may make you feel worse.
• Friends may not know what to say, especially if they have all the children they want.
• Advances in medical treatments can help - but if they don't work they can make you feel even worse.

Treatments can be a strain, especially for the woman. The strain may be caused by:

• Repeated visits to the clinic
• Having to have sex at the right time
• Waiting for pregnancy test results
• Financial issues.

Women may feel:¹

• Embarrassed and inadequate
• Humiliated
• Powerless
• Losing sight of any meaning in life other than having a child.

Not being able to have a baby can come between you and your partner. Men often cope by keeping their pain to themselves while women may want to talk about it. You may feel upset or betrayed by the way your partner deals with the problem.²

Sometimes one partner feels frustrated or angry with the other's seeming lack of interest. You may feel bad not only about your infertility, but also because you no longer feel so close to your partner.

It might help to talk about these feelings with a specially trained infertility counselor.

See infertility counseling to find out more.

This information is for educational use only, and is not a substitute for prompt professional medical advice. Readers should always consult a physician or other professional for advice and treatment. ©BMJ Publishing Group Limited 2008. All rights reserved.