A note to Carl Hiaasen, rather Dave Barry, about low-flow toilets

Dave Barry's got a thing for—or is that against?—toilets. He riffed on toilets during his keynote address at the 2010 International Builders' Show in Las Vegas, and his Web site shows him wielding a sledgehammer over a busted-up toilet next to the quote, "If you leave this web site, I will kill this defenseless toilet." Most recently, the Pulitzer Prize winner commented on commodes in "Domains: Dave Barry's Fun House" in last week's edition of the The New York Times Magazine. Here's that part of the article:

Political Cause: Years ago we moved to a house that had toilets that did not work well. The plumber told me Congress had mandated that all new toilets use less water. I spent more time on the low-flow toilet than any columnist in America.

His Favorite Toilet: We have some low-flow toilets and one standard one. I tell guests, "If you really need a toilet that can do the job, go to that one."

Disclaimer: I don't spend my entire time worrying about toilets. It's only 40 to 50 percent of my day.

Like the Florida-based humorist, who says he's often mistaken for author Carl Hiaasen (and Brad Pitt), some Consumer Reports editors spend time dealing with if not exactly worrying about toilets.

Barry's correct that the federal government did mandate lower-flow toilets. (The National Energy Policy Act of 1992 called for a maximum of 1.6 gallons per flush for residential toilets.) And some of the first models that came out under the new guidelines, in 1995, did leave something to be desired—that is, did leave something behind—when it came to solid waste.

But the government's water-saving goals were laudable—older toilets used to consume 7 gallons or more per flush, and before the 1.6-gpf standard went into effect in 1995, the maximum flow rate was 3.5 gpf. Today, replacing older toilets with models that qualify for the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency's WaterSense program—they use 1.28 gallons or less per flush—could reduce water use by early 2 billion gallons per day nationwide, according to the EPA.

It's not just the feds who are trying to make people aware of water conservation and, more specifically, toilets and their water use. In its water-saving advice, the South Florida Water Management District, which covers Barry's hometown in Coral Gables, includes five toilet tips.
 
Barry is obviously trying to poke fun with his potty humor. But he should know that manufacturers have made improvements to low-flow toilets, enabling them to do their job well in a single flush. In our 2009 review of toilets, we even found some WaterSense models that aced our rigorous solid- and liquid-waste tests. Watch our testing video above.

There's likely no convincing Barry that low-flow toilets are a good thing. But next time he's in the Yonkers, New York, area, perhaps on the book tour in support of his newly released I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Adventures in Adulthood, we'll be happy to give him a tour of our toilet lab.

—Steven H. Saltzman